Spiritual Renewal Ministries

Help and Hope for Spouses Dealing with Marital Strife

Dear Amy and Michael,

Thank you for the update on your situation.  Please read this response carefully!  At first what you will read might seem harsh, unbelievable, unkind, impossible, or whatever.  But keep pressing into God for insight and understanding. I am writing this so that you can either read it together, or read it separately.

E – EXPECTATIONS There is no promise from God that ANYONE on this earth will do, say, or think, what I want, or think, I need them to do, say or think. There are only COMMANDMENTS from God of what I am to DO, SAY, or THINK, and PROMISES of what GOD will do in response to my obedience to His Word. When I put EXPECTATIONS on others, I put them, and myself, in bondage.

I – INTOLERANCE When others don’t live up to my Expectations, I become intolerant, consciously or subconsciously, hoping my intolerance will make them meet my expectations.

B – BITTERNESS When being intolerant does not cause others to meet my expectations, then I become bitter, hoping my bitterness will motivate the person I have put in bondage to meet my expectations.

R – RESENTMENT When the Bitterness doesn’t lead to the desired expectation from another, then I get filled with resentment.

U – UNFORGIVENESS When the Resentment doesn’t work, then I become Unforgiving. By now I have the entire Bitterness, Resentment and Unforgiveness cycle working full time in my life…all stemming from EXPECTATIONS of OTHERS that God never promised me.

You may have heard it said that the Bible is a guidebook giving instructions for how to deal with every aspect of life. This sounds so simple. It seems impossible that one book, written centuries ago, would be able to address the complex issues of today’s society. The problems in the 21st Century, however, are no different from the problems that society experienced during the years the Bible was being written.

Scripture-based, interdenominational Christian counselors are confronted daily with couples who are completely confused about their roles, and how to make their marriage pleasing to each other, and to God. So many Christians have followed the ways of the world in dealing with marital difficulties, to the point of divorcing their spouses, that most Christians in marital distress no longer can stand, with confidence, on the admonition that God’s plan for marriage is “til death do we part,” and keep a firm resolve to work things out.